The Thoughts of a Dying Man
by valuablenicola
Summary: Spoilers for A Dance with Dragons, based off the preview chapter from the Winds of Winter so major spoilers there too. Theon's thoughts on the Starks and his difference from Asha, as Stannis sentences him to death and at his execution


"Don't die so far from home", his sister's words echoed in his head. "Don't die so far from the sea" for Asha, they were one and the same. The small of sea brine and the sounds of sail whipping in the wind were what she thought of as home. But that wasn't what Theon thought of. Instead of the mountain top castle of Pyke with its perpetual state of dampness, the kraken prince imagined a long hall with a fire blazing at one end, full of men wrapped in firs laughing as they ate.

As she begged, or as close to begging as the kraken's daughter ever came, him not to die out here in the savage cold of North, Theon thought not of the cold quiet of his birthplace but of his home. When Asha talked of losing brothers and the anger they should both feel towards the Starka and Baratheons for killing them, Theon didn't think about the blurred faces he'd nearly forgotten from his childhood. Instead he thought of the boy, no the man he'd grown beside, and of his the sisters, one as proper as Old Nan and the other as wild as the wolf on her sigil, he thought of the boy, unable to walk, who smiled and relaxed at the sight of him and of the child barely more than a baby who counted Theon among his brothers. When Asha talked of brothers slain, all he could see in his mind's eye was Robb's trusting face and two boys disappearing into the forest. Theon thought of Jon Snow as well, always so honourable and proud where a bastard had no right to be. Theon of how he despised _Lord_ Snow because Jon had something Theon would never, a place in the Stark Family.

When Stannis told him he was to die, Theon accepted it. He knew he deserved this for abandoning Robb, every time he closed his eyes he could see those trusting eyes, for forcing a cripple and baby out in the dangerous wilderness and above all for betraying the trust of a family he loved as dearly as his own. Asha was angry at the verdict, her hands drifting towards the sword that hung at her waist but Theon who had lost everything, including his mind, would not lose another sibling. He shook his head at her and spoke in a low voice words lisping around his broken teeth "if I may ask it of your grace, may I die before my gods. It is my only chance to redeem my honour if I am judged by them."

"There is little chance of redemption for an oathbreaker, however I will allow it as your false gods cannot protect you from the Lord of the Light." Stannis's face was impassive as he said "We shall find someone who remembers the rites of the seven."

"With respect, your grace, my brother does not follow the seven" Asha didn't fully succeed in hiding her pride and Theon smiled at her and was rewarded with her angry eyes meeting his, "he, like our family, belongs to the drowned god. We will have to get to the sea for him to be with his gods" Asha hid a smile knowing they were at least a week's ride from the ocean and it would give her time to save Theon.

"No!" Theon's voice was louder than it had been since he'd entered the camp and his sister started he broke their eye contact "I was brought up to worship the old gods" Asha actually hissed at that point. The Starks had taken her brother from her and now they'd taken his soul from their god.

Stannis actually smiled in the sense that his lips pulled back to show his teeth "We passed a Godswood not an hour before reaching camp."

Asha spoke in a low voice "Come Theon" she reached out her hand "you shall sleep in my tent tonight if this is to be the last night I ever see my only brother. If his grace consents?" She added as an afterthought.

"I think not Lady Greyjoy" The siblings started and moving with a synchronicity they'd had as children they turned the king and took each other's hand's. "Your brother will be taken to the Godswoods at once." Asha gasped and Theon felt her stiffen. "Unless you think oath breakers and child murderers should be kept here and given our supplies not to mention a chance to escape." Stannis stared into her eyes as if searching for something.

"Of course not your grave" she spoke stiffly.

"I love you sister" Theon spoke quietly as guards stepped forward to escort him away. "Forgive me for what I have done."

"Forgive me for being too late to save you" She whispered.

"I was already lost. It was good to see you one last time." She opened her mouth to say something but he spoke across her "Remember me as Theon, Remember your name" he squeezed her hand once and let go. He walked ahead of the guards and Asha was struck for a moment by the way he seemed to stand straighter and prouder than she'd ever seen before in the fading sun light.

By the time they reached the Godswood the sun had nearly set the darkness thick in the trees around them and Theon could tell that the guards were scared by the trees here with the blood coloured light turning their pale faces ghastly. "I wish to pray before I meet my end" They looked between themselves, at the trees once more, and then one of them nodded, drawing his sword in the same breath.

Staring at the weeping face, Theon prayed. Prayed for his sister's survival, prayed for Jon to find his brothers and protect them where Theon had so grievously failed, prayed for Sansa to be safe from the Lannisters, for the real Arya to be kept safe from the Lions at court, Theon prayed for Robb and Lady Stark and Lord Stark, for forgiveness that he didn't deserve.

Crows were flapping in now shrieking his name "Theon! Theon ! Theon!" Theon what? He thought, he wasn't a Greyjoy and he certainly had to right to call himself Stark. He bowed his head and thought of Lord Stark, of the day they'd found the direwolf pups. Lord Stannis for all his honour was not the one here holding a sword and that fact made Theon smile bitterly. He had at least that in common with Joffrey, neither of them had the courage to do their killings themselves like Theon had been taught. He thought of Lord Stark's death and how he was to now meet the same fate. He didn't deserve any similarity to such an honourable man, not a cowardly childkilling oath keeper like Theon. He could hear the sword moving through the air being lifted for the killing blow.

His eyes took in the weeping face and if Theon didn't know if he was right but it seemed like the blood was flowing faster down the tree, the crows were getting louder, screaming his name in something close to desperation. Theon bowed his head, darkness fell, and a wolf's eyes glinted in the trees.


End file.
